May 2012
42 posts
2 tags
May 1st
5 notes
3 tags
May 1st
63 notes
9 tags
May 1st
10 notes
May 1st
140 notes
1 tag
May 1st
205 notes
April 2012
45 posts
4 tags
Apr 30th
4 notes
Apr 30th
88 notes
Apr 30th
112 notes
2 tags
Apr 29th
71 notes
Apr 28th
3,391 notes
Apr 28th
2,233 notes
12 tags
How to tell the difference between different...
POWER METAL: The protagonist arrives riding a white unicorn, escapes from the dragon, saves the princess and makes love to her in an enchanted forest.
THRASH METAL: The protagonist arrives, fights the dragon, saves the princess and fucks her.
HEAVY METAL: The protagonist arrives on a Harley, kills the dragon, drinks a few beers and fucks the princess.
FOLK METAL: The protagonist arrives with some friends playing accordions, violins, flutes and many more weird instruments, the dragon falls asleep (because of all the dancing). Then all leave........ without the princess.
VIKING METAL: The protagonist arrives in a ship, kills the dragon with his mighty axe, skins the dragon and eats it, rapes the princess to death, steals her belongings and burns the castle before leaving.
DEATH METAL: The protagonist arrives, kills the dragon, fucks the princess and kills her, then leaves.
BLACK METAL: The protagonist IS the dragon, dwells in the heart of the night with in a castle full of hellhounds and eternal flames. He kills the sassy knight, fucks the noble steed and sacrifices the princess to Satan.
GORE METAL: The protagonist arrives, kills the dragon and spreads his guts in front of the castle, fucks the princess and kills her. Then he fucks the dead body again, slashes her belly and eats her guts. Then he fucks the carcass for the third time, burns the corpse and fucks it for the last time.
DOOM METAL: The protagonist arrives, sees the size of the dragon and thinks he could never beat him, then he gets depressed and commits suicide. The dragon eats his body and the princess as dessert. That's the end of the sad story.
PROGRESSIVE METAL: The protagonist arrives with a guitar and plays a solo of 26 minutes. The dragon kills himself out of boredom. The protagonist arrives to the princess' bedroom, plays another solo with all the techniques and tunes he learned in the last year of the conservatory. The princess escapes looking for the 'HEAVY METAL' protagonist.
GLAM METAL: The protagonist arrives, the dragon laughs at the guy's appearance and lets him enter. He steals the princess' make up and tries to paint the castle in a beautiful pink colour.
NU METAL: The protagonist arrives in a run down Honda Civic and attempts to fight the dragon but he burns to death when his moronic baggy clothes catch fire.
Apr 26th
29,437 notes
Apr 25th
687 notes
5 tags
Apr 20th
74 notes
Apr 20th
8 notes
Apr 20th
38 notes
Apr 19th
43 notes
Apr 19th
109 notes
5 tags
Apr 19th
22 notes
3 tags
Apr 18th
32 notes
Apr 17th
4,810 notes
Apr 16th
99,334 notes
15 tags
metal sext poetry
these didn’t get as much love on twitter as i’d hoped. sext: we apply each others corpsepaint. bb u kno how 2 invert a cross. u refuse 2 burn a church w/me so I sacrifice yr body to satan instead. sext: we head bang in perfect unison. i’m ready to ride the lightning. you’re about to load but lose your erection. sad but true. sext: you growl with pleasure as you blast...
Apr 16th
6 notes
Apr 14th
1,298 notes
Apr 13th
312 notes
2 tags
Apr 13th
512 notes
Apr 12th
10,959 notes
3 tags
Apr 11th
100 notes
5 tags
Apr 10th
3 notes
2 tags
Apr 10th
336 notes
3 tags
Apr 10th
40,033 notes
Apr 9th
520 notes
1 tag
Apr 9th
3 notes
7 tags
Apr 9th
25 notes
Apr 9th
28,352 notes
2 tags
Apr 5th
18 notes
1 tag
Apr 5th
503 notes
1 tag
Apr 4th
87,248 notes
Apr 4th
3,586 notes
Apr 3rd
27,977 notes
Apr 3rd
96 notes
Apr 3rd
31,230 notes
my invitation to join fab.com. it's awesome. →
Apr 2nd
Apr 2nd
3 tags
Apr 2nd
4 notes